Shrug

It wearing on me. I didn't realize how much of this weight I carried until this weekend. I had no idea how much it affected me.

For years I have prayed for her, and tried to set a good example, but it only seems like she's been getting farther and farther from the truth. It's disheartening, because I love her so much. I can get so angry with her sometimes for her attitude - the selfishness and pride she shows. But in my anger, is sadness and pain. It hurts to know that this is a heart issue, and nothing I can do can change her heart. I am so sad to think that I can't fix it for her.

It's frustrating, because I know that she is wrong, but she doesn't care. And then I feel bad, because I've tried to set an example that I wouldn't mind being followed by my younger sisters.... but then when she doesn't, I can't be angry. I can't assume that I've done everything right, and I know that I am no better than she is. However, I cannot deny that I don't want her to have her every desire granted (when she couldn't care less about the needs or wants of anyone else). But I am no more deserving of good things than she is.

I love her so much. I would give my life for her in a moment, but I can't save her heart from this!

And it eats away at me unceasingly.