And yet, I'm not so worried. I feel confident that there is something in this that transcends what is normal... that, as unusual as it is for me, isn't so dependent on what I do or say. It is something that causes me to gasp, causes me to tremble, causes the very fiber of my being to unravel. And it is unraveling; slowly but more surely it could not be. There is pain. Oh yes, there is pain. Pain beyond anything I ever could have imagined before this whole thing went down. It is as though the flesh on my knees has been split and is slowly and deliberately being pulled away from the bone. Cartilage rips and muscle tears, causing tears to well up in these eyes that I am not even sure are mine anymore. None of you have any idea what I am talking about... and none of you ever will. I would never utter the thoughts that plague me now to any soul because I fear that nobody else was meant to share this burden with me. It is mine to bear and until my legs buckle I will bear it with integrity and with promise. If ever I should feel inclined to allow another to enter into my confidence, if I felt that were the intent, I most surely would- but with discretion. Discretion almost to the point of a point-blank untruth with a hint of an idea slightly related in the vaguest of ways to a foreign form of the truth. And that is all. That and only that. What more is there to say...
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