My world has fallen apart at the seams, and yet I feel more confident than ever in the unfathomable greatness and faithfulness of my Lord.
when the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
when the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
when time and space are through
I'll be found in you
Those words, that confession, has never felt more real to me. Since getting back to Lee, I have quite literally felt that things have gone wrong, time after time after time. Life keeps failing me. Satan is throwing stones at my head, and dropping boulders on my shoulders. That devil seeks to overthrow my faith, but it hardly feels the attack anymore. What a fool he is, that he doesn't even realize that with each attack my armor gets thicker, and my conviction in God's faithfulness grows. It is a phenomenon that I can't quite explain. Every time I am brought back to tears of abysmal pain, I understand that much more that God is there. My faith grows in feeling with Him, as odd as it sounds. I don't mind the pain, because I know that it is good that I feel. No longer does the devil have me trapped in that numbness. I have been set free.
I love them. I do. I desperately hurt to see them know Him, because I know that it is the only solution to their pain. The cuts that go so deep can be healed. That death that encases your very flesh must be pealed away. It cracks and itches, but you haven't realized that you must first die to be set free. It's a mystery like none other, but it exactly what it claims. Freedom is for you. Love is for you. Don't walk in numbness - walk in life. Yes, there's pain, but there's greatness. When you know how much He LOVES you, the pain can only go so deep. Yes, I grieve for you. Yes, I lay awake in desperation for you. But know this, it's infinitely better to feel that pain than to not feel at all. He is good, of this I am certain.
THOUGH YOU WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH, HE IS THERE. I am trying to take your hands, to walk with you. Any arrow that is shot at you, I hope will hit me instead. Any hole that you could fall in, I hope to fall in first to warn you. If I die on the way, all shall be well worth it if you make it through to the other side. Quite literally, if it takes death for you to understand, than I am more than willing to give my life.
There are two things I will NEVER sacrifice: 1) My Lord. He is my everything, and NOTHING will ever separate us. And 2) YOU. Unless it is to God, nothing in my life is worth more than you. You can take away everything from me - all possessions, emotions, relationships, life - if that's the cost. Whatever it takes of me, I want to give. You are worth it to me. You are worth it all. Never more important than God, but more than all else.
And so I write this to you, the nonchalant. Be aware that this is never casual. It is for the enthusiasts, for those who care so deeply for you that you cannot even be aware of it, that I implore. Seek the freedom for another. Stand in the gap on their behalf. When they have no words, use yours for them. They don't know the battle they fight, and if you see them wounded and captive, go get them! The enemy forces are strong, but are they not worth it? You have all legions of victory to back you up, but you must make the first move. Draw the sword that you have been carrying around like an accessory. It's time.
Enthusiasts, MOVE.
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