"Debbie's father had an affair when she was young. He was not a violent man. There was nothing abusive about in. In fact, he was kind to her mother, as he was to Debbie and her sisters. They shared Sunday dinners, went to church together. Only, he chose another woman. 'I guess she wasn't enough to keep him,' Debbie said about her mother. Then she paused and said, 'I guess we weren't enough to keep him.' Affairs and divorces strike at a woman's worst fear---abandonment. They wound, not just the mothers, but the daughters as well... Her father did come for visits, to take her on outings. But she learned to hide her heart from him... Hide your vulnerability. Hide your heart. You aren't safe."

"And so, I made a vow. Somewhere in my young heart, without even knowing I was doing it or putting words to it, I vowed to protect myself by never causing pain, never requiring attention. My job in the family was to be invisible, to cause no waves. If I upset things at all, surely this ship would sink. So I began to hide. I hid my needs, my desires, my very heart. I hid my true self."