Stevens

1. Concerning the UFO Sighting Near Highland, Illinois
   
2. The Black Hawk War, or, How to Demolish an Entire Civilization and Still Feel Good About Yourself in the Morning, or, We Apologize for the Inconvenience but You're Going to Have to Leave Now, or, 'I Have Fought the Big Knives and Will Continue to Fight Them Until They Are Off Our Lands!'
   
3. Come On! Feel the Illinoise!
   
   1. The World's Columbian Exposition
   2. Carl Sandburg Visits Me in a Dream
4. John Wayne Gacy, Jr.
   
5. Jacksonville
   
6. A Short Reprise for Mary Todd, Who Went Insane, but for Very Good Reasons
   
7. Decatur, or, Round of Applause for Your Step Mother!
   
8. One Last 'Whoo-Hoo!' for the Pullman
   
9. Chicago
   
10. Casimir Pulaski Day
11. To the Workers of the Rock River Valley Region, I Have an Idea Concerning Your Predicament [and it involves tube socks, a paper airplane, and twenty-two able-bodied men.]
12. The Man of Metropolis Steals Our Hearts
13. Prairie Fire That Wanders About
14. A Conjunction of Drones Simulating the Way in Which Sufjan Stevens Has an Existential Crisis in the Great Godfrey Maze
15. The Predatory Wasp of the Palisades Is Out to Get Us!
16. They Are Night Zombies!! They Are Neighbors!! They Have Come Back from the Dead!! Ahhhh!
17. Let's Hear That String Part Again, Because I Don't Think They Heard It All the Way Out in Bushnell
18. In This Temple as in the Hearts of Man for Whom He Saved the Earth
    
19. The Seer's Tower
20. The Tallest Man, the Broadest Shoulders
    1. The Great Frontier
    2. Come to Me Only with Playthings Now
21. Riffs and Variations on a Single Note for Jelly Roll, Earl Hines, Louis Armstrong, Baby Dodds, and the King of Swing, to Name a Few
22. Out of Egypt, into the Great Laugh of Mankind, and I Shake the Dirt from My Sandals as I Run

Beautiful

I feel okay today

maybe it's the weather.

Half out

I'm not sure what's wrong with me... maybe I just need some time off.

I can't even claim that I want out anymore... I feel perfectly ready to accept a trap. Haha, thanks

Somewhere, far away from here
I saw stars, stars that I could reach (yeah)
It was a midnight, a silent twilight
Fell down, beyond the ocean beach (yeah)

(I'm not sure what the point of that was...)

We had the day off today

I've never been more relieved! I can't even express.... it's good.

Music to my feelings....

So basically, this is my life at the moment....

There is something I want to say
But my words they just get in the way
There's a passion deep within my soul
That cries out for more

There's a battle that I don't want to fight
Keeps me awake all through the night
Between who I am and who I should be
My mind could change the war

I am crying out for something to go down
'Cause this confusion I feel is throwing me around

Is there somewhere I can go,
Somethere I can run,
Somewhere I can go to escape my mind?
Is there somewhere I can go,
Somewhere I can run,
Somewhere I can go?

I start my day I'm late again
Racing the clock will it ever end?
We can't keep up we're falling behind
There's never any time

As one task ends two more begin
They're piling up and closing us in
To live like we're free just once in a while
Is that such a crime?

And we're crying out for something to go down
'Cause this confusion we feel is throwing us around

Is there somewhere we can go,
Somewhere we can run,
Somewhere we can go to escape in time?
Is there somewhere we can go,
Somewhere we can run,
Somwhere we can go to escape this life?

Somewhere we can go

---(thanks Nathan Angelo for writing my thoughts. You and Matt should team up so I can stop thinking altogether =)

Geez.

I feel perpetually worn... this is unhealthy.
I can't continue when I can't keep my eyes open.

Where's my book? I think I left it outside. Crap... it's too cold to go out there now.

Shrug

It wearing on me. I didn't realize how much of this weight I carried until this weekend. I had no idea how much it affected me.

For years I have prayed for her, and tried to set a good example, but it only seems like she's been getting farther and farther from the truth. It's disheartening, because I love her so much. I can get so angry with her sometimes for her attitude - the selfishness and pride she shows. But in my anger, is sadness and pain. It hurts to know that this is a heart issue, and nothing I can do can change her heart. I am so sad to think that I can't fix it for her.

It's frustrating, because I know that she is wrong, but she doesn't care. And then I feel bad, because I've tried to set an example that I wouldn't mind being followed by my younger sisters.... but then when she doesn't, I can't be angry. I can't assume that I've done everything right, and I know that I am no better than she is. However, I cannot deny that I don't want her to have her every desire granted (when she couldn't care less about the needs or wants of anyone else). But I am no more deserving of good things than she is.

I love her so much. I would give my life for her in a moment, but I can't save her heart from this!

And it eats away at me unceasingly.