One day Alice cam to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.

"Which road do I take?" she asked.

"Where do you want to go?" was his response.

"I don't know," Alice answered.

"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't really matter." - Lewis Carrol

The songs

The Desert Song

This is my prayer in the desert

And all that's within me feels dry

This is my prayer in the hunger in me

My God is a God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire

In weakness or trial or pain

There is a faith proved

Of more worth than gold

So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise

I will bring praise

No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice

I will declare

God is my victory and He is here

And this is my prayer in the battle

And triumph is still on it's way

I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ

So firm on His promise I'll stand

All of my life

In every season

You are still God

I have a reason to sing

I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest

When favor and providence flow

I know I'm filled to be empited again

The seed I've recieved I will sow

This song has been the encouragement I need. There those things that I've been called to do, and this is the song that tells me it will be worth it. No weapon formed against me shall remain. I need to hear these things.

Lately the theme for my life has been fire. I've been thrown into the furnace, and I'm burning. Now I wait to see if I will be refined in the flame and then saved, or if I will be burned up. I hope to come out of it, to see all those things I contend for redeemed... but even if You don't, I will still stand in the fire, to bring glory to You.

You are able to deliver from the fire of affliction
It’s the declaration of my Lord
You’re not an image of gold
You’re the God of old
You have made us
Come and save us
We are Yours
But even if You don’t

We will burn!

This has been the question God has asked me. Will you still be thrown into the fire, and trust my faithfulness, even if I don't save you? My answer: yes. I will. There is no doubt in my mind that even if this destroys me, I will still go. But that's not what I want. I want them to know of God's redemption! I want them to understand His love for them. They need it. It is the most essential piece to the puzzle. If they could understand that.

God is my victory and He is here.

To a world of nonchalants and enthusiasts

I haven't said anything here in, well... forever it seems.

My world has fallen apart at the seams, and yet I feel more confident than ever in the unfathomable greatness and faithfulness of my Lord.

when the world has fallen out from under me

I'll be found in you, still standing

when the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees

when time and space are through

I'll be found in you

Those words, that confession, has never felt more real to me. Since getting back to Lee, I have quite literally felt that things have gone wrong, time after time after time. Life keeps failing me. Satan is throwing stones at my head, and dropping boulders on my shoulders. That devil seeks to overthrow my faith, but it hardly feels the attack anymore. What a fool he is, that he doesn't even realize that with each attack my armor gets thicker, and my conviction in God's faithfulness grows. It is a phenomenon that I can't quite explain. Every time I am brought back to tears of abysmal pain, I understand that much more that God is there. My faith grows in feeling with Him, as odd as it sounds. I don't mind the pain, because I know that it is good that I feel. No longer does the devil have me trapped in that numbness. I have been set free.

I love them. I do. I desperately hurt to see them know Him, because I know that it is the only solution to their pain. The cuts that go so deep can be healed. That death that encases your very flesh must be pealed away. It cracks and itches, but you haven't realized that you must first die to be set free. It's a mystery like none other, but it exactly what it claims. Freedom is for you. Love is for you. Don't walk in numbness - walk in life. Yes, there's pain, but there's greatness. When you know how much He LOVES you, the pain can only go so deep. Yes, I grieve for you. Yes, I lay awake in desperation for you. But know this, it's infinitely better to feel that pain than to not feel at all. He is good, of this I am certain.

THOUGH YOU WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH, HE IS THERE. I am trying to take your hands, to walk with you. Any arrow that is shot at you, I hope will hit me instead. Any hole that you could fall in, I hope to fall in first to warn you. If I die on the way, all shall be well worth it if you make it through to the other side. Quite literally, if it takes death for you to understand, than I am more than willing to give my life.

There are two things I will NEVER sacrifice: 1) My Lord. He is my everything, and NOTHING will ever separate us. And 2) YOU. Unless it is to God, nothing in my life is worth more than you. You can take away everything from me - all possessions, emotions, relationships, life - if that's the cost. Whatever it takes of me, I want to give. You are worth it to me. You are worth it all. Never more important than God, but more than all else.

And so I write this to you, the nonchalant. Be aware that this is never casual. It is for the enthusiasts, for those who care so deeply for you that you cannot even be aware of it, that I implore. Seek the freedom for another. Stand in the gap on their behalf. When they have no words, use yours for them. They don't know the battle they fight, and if you see them wounded and captive, go get them! The enemy forces are strong, but are they not worth it? You have all legions of victory to back you up, but you must make the first move. Draw the sword that you have been carrying around like an accessory. It's time.

Enthusiasts, MOVE.

Magic

This is the greatest new thing I've found. It can get rid of a pimple in one day! And I LOVE it.

It's the Boscia Willow Bark To-Go Breakout Treatment, found at Sephora. Seriously, it works. And it's gentle - I have sensitive skin.

Today... I'm a little sick of myself.

There is only one thing that I really wanted to do... and I couldn't make myself do it.  I don't know if it's better or worse this way.  I'm hoping worse because I didn't do it.  I hope God was preventing it.  

It is not that I regret not doing it, but more that I can't believe I didn't when it was all I really thought about for over a week now.  Strange, isn't it?  Oh well...

I need to make more time for reading, and journaling.  The problem is, I do those things at night usually, and when I go to bed so late, I don't have the time or the energy.  There is really no reason for it... I don't really have other responsibilities.  It's just... I can't make myself sometimes.  Sleep feels too lonely and quiet sometimes, and I don't like to think about the things that I remember when falling asleep.  So, I put it off, until I'm writing an online blog post at 1:30 in the morning, without having journaled nor read a single page today.

I need to fix my life.. I really do.

Brandon Heath

I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how
I'm not who I was
I used to be mad at you
A little on the hurt side too
But I'm not who I was

I found my way around
To forgiving you
Some time ago
But I never got to tell you so

I found us in a photograph
I saw me and I had to laugh
You know, I'm not who I was
You were there, you were right above me
And I wonder if you ever loved me
Just for who I was

When the pain came back again
Like a bitter friend
It was all that I could do
To keep myself from blaming you

I reckon it's a funny thing
I figured out I can sing
Now I'm not who I was
I write about love and such
Maybe 'cause I want it so much
I'm not who I was

I was thinking maybe I
I should let you know
I am not the same
But I never did forget your name
Hello

Well the thing I find most amazing
In amazing grace
Is the chance to give it out
Maybe that's what love is all about

I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how
I'm not who I was

Oh geez, I love music!  

Sounds can bring life!  I couldn't even begin to tell you how much of my life has been changed through music.

I can't explain it.  It's like... I can be waiting, waiting, waiting for the Lord to speak... but once I turn on that music, it's like I can suddenly live again!  He speaks!  There is not a doubt in my mind that God breathes life into some songs.   Artists can but a pen to paper, and compose the most beautiful melody, but it's God that touches it, and makes it transcend time and situations - a very small reflection of what He does.

It's like a wooden puppet Pinocchio vs the real boy.  

And in this I see promise for those who have yet to acknowledge the Lord's glory.  There are those who can write the music that is so much like it should be, as if Pinocchio has already gotten up, but is still quite obviously wooden.  But there is more to be realized.  They can create and inspire, but where is the God behind it?  Soon, I say.  You will acknowledge the master musician.

I have this picture in my head of God, and in the glory and light surrounding Him, there is also song.  Songs so unbearably glorious, that as the light of His glory would blind us, the music may deafen us.  But it doesn't stop there... it's like.. the most intense case of synesthesia known to man.  The music and light appeals to all our senses.  It engulfs our every ounce of awareness in the God's holiness.

Can you see it?