Tell me honestly

Have you ever looked back at your life and said "I wouldn't do it again?" It's a rotten feeling, trust me. I can't believe how wrong I've been about the whole thing. People don't change because of me. That never worked... how did I become so delusional?

Did God ever look at someone and say "You've hurt me too much friend. You have put nearly everything in life before me, and I'm worth more than that. You are a bad friend, so I'm going to find new ones. I'm sick of this game we play... you want me, you even need me, but you never make time for me or give me what I want from you. So we're finished. I'm out."

In case you were wondering, no, He didn't, and He won't. EVER. And so, because I am His, I feel the same way about my friends. Not only won't I leave you even if you treat me like crap, I can't. I will always love you too much to give up, no matter what. Each and every one of you is worth my life, because you were/are worth Jesus' life, and I simply can't forget that. If God Almighty would die for you, why would I EVER choose not to do the same?

But I am a fool. What I just said is honestly how I feel, but I didn't put it there. I didn't wake up one morning and say "Hey, I think I'll continue to love my friends, even if they might not all know what it really means to love." It was the God that died for you that taught me and molded my heart to see you the way that He does. And I thought I understood. What I foolish thing to do. I thought I was learning how to love, but I missed it. I missed the whole point.

"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." -Matthew 22:36-40

So, I forgot the greatest commandment. I can stay so busy trying to love all of you, but I could never make it work because I forgot to Love God first and foremost. Such a childish and foolish mistake. I'm sorry my Love, I'm sorry my friends.

I would love to say that I will never try to do it again without God, but I can't promise that... I mess up too often. "How do you love someone?" I know how. Just follow Jesus' example. It's quite easy, and it only costs a life. How do you love God? That I don't know yet. I would assume that it is similar to loving your friends, but then something inside me tells me that it's oh so much more.