Mon Chérie

I'm sick of boxing up my hopes and dreams.

I'm also tired of modern Christianity. I don't think that it's fair that we've made it all about ourselves. The simple truth: nothing is about us anymore. I have given my life to Christ, and in Him is the only way I find myself. My purpose is not to discover the easiest life for me, and it is not to dream small dreams for a small God.

There have been many times in my life when I have wanted to give it up. I don't know how I mean to do this, because I know that I simply cannot walk away from God. It's un-do-able. So what do I do then? I stay, dreaming for everyone to know Him, and allowing Him to use me in whatever way He chooses.

My Saviour, who has given me everything, has asked only two things from me: 1) to love Him, and 2) to love others. I want to do both of those things. I want to love Him, because quite honestly, I can't see not loving Him after all He has done for me. I also want to love others as I have been loved. I know that God's love is compelling, His mercy is intoxicating, and His presence is fulfilling. I know all of these things because even though I am not the most lovable person, He took from me the reality of an empty and wasted life. He took away certain loneliness, and certain hopelessness. He took from me my greatest fears. He took my hate, my lust, and my greed onto his shoulders, and gave me righteousness instead. When all I've done deserves not only disgust, but also the brutal-est punishments of worst kind, He jumped in front of me.

And He knows that I won't understand what He did. I will never understand all of what I have been given. And He's okay with that. He doesn't even expect me to love Him first.

He loves you too. I'm not naive enough to think that you'll believe that just because I said it, but I do want you to know. I've always detested the notion of someone being less than someone else, because you know, we're all completely unworthy. The thing that makes it so perfect - the thing that humans never seem to understand - is that God doesn't abandon us. He never looks at you and says, "Well, that's just too bad. You've hurt me too much, and you're strayed too far. I'm done with you."

You're actually the pearl He seeks out. You may be hurt, confused, and angry, but you're no less loved.

I've always wanted to name my daughter Chérie. In French, this means "cherished." I can hear God naming me the same way.