Ojalá

Lately I've had an addiction to writing. That's really the reason I keep coming back here. Unfortunately, this addiction has not as of yet influenced my several looming (I think this is a good word) papers that want to be written. I think about 3 weeks ago, I had a passion for Middlemarch. I wanted to show the way that George Eliot saw God as a cause for failure, and the walking away from Him as a strength. So... I wrote. I got 8 pages out, and now I dread going back to it. It's not so much that I don't think I can do it, it's just the preparation that writing a literary research paper requires. I guess I'm a bit burnt out, and I don't know exactly how I am going to write about another 28-30 pages this semester. I sincerely cannot do it.

But I will. I will write all those pages. They will be decent. I will make grades that are acceptable. I will graduate with honors in a year.

Isn't it odd - odd that I can say those things with certainty? It makes me think of Tom Sterbens. He once said that like Paul, we're all confident in something. Paul was confident - assured, persuaded, etc - in his identity before he met God. After God met him, Paul's confidence changed. He said,

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 8:38-39

I want that to be true of me. Right now, I sometimes feel more certain of my ability to succeed than I feel in God's true and everlasting love. I hope this changes soon. The only word I can think to use here is "Ojalá" (God willing).

Just my thoughts this morning.