Grasp. Choke. Suffocate.

I think there may be something wrong with me...

It used to be different, it used to be better. Now the smile I wear upon my face is a fake, and the only ones who can make it real have no desire to do so.

I wear a mask every day, yet I am desperate to take it off. Although it conceals me, providing safety from rejection, I seek for someone to look underneath. Everyone seems too busy, or too different to understand. Am I that strange? Am I too... anything?

I try to be a true friend. I try to love, the way my Saviour taught us to love. But it makes no difference, because even I couldn't really accept what I long for. I would glue my mask back onto my face, and pray that what I did would change the situation - but it would.

Man

Valiant, Man, how I see you...
Least likely of all that you would see me.
Your life sings of love my heart is drawn to,
All emotions have trained my heart to flee.

Yet compelled to stay...

Righteous, servant,
You break hearts of steel.
I will dance at your feet,
To serve a love that heals.

With a sacrifice you drop your knee,
Your life freely given to another.
Your smile, a face that could set a soul free...
How I long to know you unlike any other.

I ask you to know,
These words are far too plain.
Let my heart show,
All that belongs to your name....

Love as strong as the sun of July

Righteous, servant,
You break hearts of steel.
I will dance at your feet,
To serve a love that heals.

This is for you, oh brave man

Red Meets Blue

Sunlight dances with the distance
In her squinty eyed shoes
And I'm chasing down horizon
In hopes of being danced with too

Lonely Tonight

6th and green is a warm place in November
When the air is cold and the leaves blow on the ground
And I don't think that I can even remember
Why it was that i came to this town

Because I just want to be lonely tonight
Just me and my maker in this cold moonlight

This is me on the eve of an ending
To what I've known's been constant for a year
And I'm so scared of this pain that I'll be sending
Sometimes I just want to run away in fear

Because I just want to be lonely tonight
Just me and my maker in this cold moonlight

No, I haven't heard your voice in two weeks now
And anticipation's been wearing me thin
And I just can't help but wonderin' baby if somehow
We could tear these pages out and begin again

Because I just want to be lonely tonight
Just me and my maker in this cold moonlight
I just want to be lonely tonight
With no one around to see the sight
Of me lying here

'Cause this is the hardest thing I've ever done before
I said this is the hardest thing I've ever done before
And I don't want to be lonely
But I won't be lonely tonight
Because my maker's holding me

Breathing deeply.... of desire.

Do you know the feeling of deep, consuming desire? You can feel it in your stomach and in your heart. It feels like an emptiness, a vacancy, waiting, longing to be filled, and only that which you long for can fill it.

I feel desire. I long for these two things, more than I can adequately express. I look for them all of the time, but don't know how I can rid myself of this longing. But, perhaps desires like these cannot be extinguished, but must be satisfied. Because these are a matter of what I was actually created for, maybe that is the only way.

Until this satisfaction comes, what do I do? How can I stop this aching of my heart? Breathe deep, and yes. Be still and know that I am God.

How could I have been so wrong?

For so long I missed the entire point. I need change. I need transformation.

What, Lord, ought I do? I need to be changed. I need to be more like You.

Show me what it means to be like You. I want to walk as You walked.

Sacrifice, Love. It's the reason. Don't forget.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails..." -1 Corinthians 13:4-8