Sometimes it sucks

Because I am not 1st (after God) in anyone's life. I don't know, but my opinion never carries much weight.

I'm am not trying to throw a pitty fest. I just desire to be a little more important sometimes... not blown off again.

I want to be worth it.

Even though I know God thinks that I am, He "can't" come hug me.
What ever happened to unconditional love?

I love the way you understand the way you love the way you were when no one was looking
That you were beautiful and you were worth it all and you were everything I need
You captured my attention did I mention I think you're beautiful darling

Fire Fall Down

I know that You’re alive
You came to fix my broken life
And I sing to glorify
Your holy Name
Jesus Christ

You bought my life with the
Blood that You shed on the cross
When You died for the sins of men
And You let out a cry
Crucified now alive in me

These hands are Yours
Teach them to serve as You please
And I’ll reach out desperate to see
All the greatness of God
May my soul rest assured in You

I’ll never be the same
No I’ll never be the same

‘Cause I know that You’re alive
You came to fix my broken life
And I sing to glorify
Your holy Name
Jesus Christ

You’ve changed it all
You broke down the wall
When I spoke and confessed
In You I’m blessed
Now I walk in the light
In victorious sight of You

Your fire fall down
Fire fall down
On us we pray
As we seek
Show me Your heart
Show me Your way
Show me Your glory

What am I to do?

I don't know what to tell you. I can't make sense of the things that I have heard. I can't bring peace. I am not ready. I can't make this choice. Being numb to all emotion would be so much easier.

Truth? Can I know? It wasn't supposed to happen. It shouldn't be this way. I awake shaking, because my heart is torn, and I don't know which way to turn. My dreams lay in turmoil, and I can't do this. Where is the peace I once knew? And the joy?

I can't count on my heart. I don't know who to trust. Too many voices, too many opinions. Tell me why I shouldn't run and hide. No help. Just You. And then I doubt myself...

But I can't run. What good would that do? Of everything I've been told, I know I cannot run.

So what can I do? I need God. I need peace. I wish He could hug - I would sit in His arms and tell Him of everything. He would listen and love, and then He would speak. I would have the perfect wisdom, because it would be from the mouth of God. He knows who is right and who is wrong, and He could tell me who to trust. If it were only that simple...

I am running away. Don't say I didn't warn you.

I won't let you go
I won't let you go
Not to Detroit City
Not to Chicago.

And I won't let you go
I won't let you go
Not to Mississippi
Not to Tupelo.

But if you're gonna leave
I'm asking you to please
Go all the way
To Mexico.

I won't let you leave
I won't let you leave
Not with all my Django
Emmy Lou and Steve.

I won't let you leave
I won't let you leave
Not with my revival
Tucked down in the sleeve.

But if you're going to go
Take the ones you gave to me
All the way
To Mexico.

All the way to the shore of California Bay
And I'll be fine
'Cause I have taken you back for the last time.

And I won't set you free
I won't set you free
Not to say it's over
Come right back to me.

But if you're gonna go
I'm giving you the key
But only if you'll go
To Mexico.

All the way to the shore of California Bay
And I'll be fine
'Cause I have taken you back for the last time.

All the way to the shore of California Bay
And I'll be fine
'Cause I have taken you back for the last time.

So if you're gonna go baby won't you please go all the way to Mexico
All the way to Mexico

Oh here

I choose you.

It's like waiting for the return of Jesus...

Waiting for this answer...

Hello, world. How long have you been standing there?

I am totally taken aback. I don't know if it's right... this way I think. But it does seem common! I just don't know if they will understand. I don't want my reason to be this, but it is a great consideration.

Help me. I don't know. I can't stop thinking about it. I can't stop wondering what to do next...

A Life Worth Living

When people plan their future, they always take into account best case scenarios. No one plans to be miserable. It just doesn't happen.

But the reality, things happen. Following your dreams, or even following God's will for your life does not prevent suffering. Things happen all of the time. People die, marriages end, tragedy sweeps in, and it's often not your fault. You didn't disobey God or make a foolish decision, but suffering will find you.

So now it's your life. The worst thing you could imagine happening, happens. God didn't cause it, didn't prevent it, but did allow it. Don't get confused, I'm not asking "what if?" or even "why?", I'm asking you, now what? You're miserable. Your life sucks. You'd rather die than live through this. Now what? God is still good, right? How do you know that?

These things happen EVERY DAY to godly people.

Just look at Paul. He was imprisoned several times, almost beaten to death, lived a horrific life in terms of comfort and prosperity, but this is what he says: "Finally, my brethren, rejoice in the Lord... But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ..." (Phil 4:1-8). Paul here is saying that despite it all, he counts it as joy. His life, although undesirable, he thought to be joy.

It is impossible to teach someone the joy of the Lord. Impossible! Paul's words revealed his joy, but it was his honest response to a life relationship with the Lord. He didn't look to find joy in these situations, he simply found it. I don't understand exactly, but I now know the answer to the first question.

In these situations and times of suffering, we will only count it as joy because of our intimate relationship with the Lord. Not even what the bible says about God will carry much weight in these situation if we do not KNOW His character in our own lives. The experiences of other people won't prove a darn thing. Only if you know God. Only if you know that He is good, not only in your head, but in your heart.



Religion is being stripped from me. I am SICK of saying what's "right" or "biblical." We are people of relationship, not ritual. If I am angry, I can be angry, and still be a living witness. I can be sad, and still be an example of true joy. It is WHO I AM that is the light, not WHAT I DO. WHO I AM is what makes the difference, not WHAT I SAY, or HOW I ACT. There are no laws to define my relationship with God. All there is, is His will and me, in it. I am going to become more like Him. It will happen, and in that I will develop the character. It will not be trained into me. Instead, God is loving me into His image and likeness. I am in the river of His will, and I need not strive, because I will simply move with the current.

And I have never felt so alive, so free, or so in love!


Oh joy! That I long to know You! That rules and legalism are thrown out forever! That all things are lawful, and You will show me what's beneficial. That though I am imperfect, You took care of that at the cross --Died at Calvary to bring me back into intimate relationship with You! Oh joy! I am with You! I am Yours and You are mine! Never has it felt so real! Oh joy! You accept me wherever I am, and look forward to teaching me, revealing Yourself to me!