So, on a different note

I don't have anything negative to say. Odd, considering it's coming from me =)

These past few weeks have sort of been a whirlwind of emotion. I have had my perspective totally warped, but I suppose in a good way?

I met some new friends, who are very much the kind of people I have searched for these past few years. They are kind and loving, and don't seem to mind that I like to attach myself to them in a matter of weeks. Haha, just kidding... kinda.

My explanation? I like certain people too much. It happens every so often, I'll meet someone, and want to be friends... but they don't want or need me to be their friend. However - I believe for the very first time ever - these people at least act like they enjoy me too. They don't find me to be a nuisance, even when I honestly believe that most others would.

I could easily compare them to my extended family - and that's NOT a thought I often have. I adore my relatives... the families. Always warm and welcoming, and not too stressed about the presence of another. My family, we really enjoy one another. I can talk to each person, and feel the acceptance and the love they have for me. I can really be myself, no sarcasm, over-intellectualism, or emphasis placed on any one aspect of my personality. I can be who I really am, and feel absolutely NO need to hide anything. And although they see everything, I am still loved. Responsibility is shared joyfully... we don't worry about having 40 people in our smallish house. Everyone is considerate, and can entertain themselves. Discussions are open, and love is very apparent.

In these people, although I barely know them, I have sensed some of the same qualities. I don't necessarily have concrete evidence, but I am often right about people.... haha. I don't mean that to sound prideful.

Plus, as if that wouldn't be enough to make me love them, one must be an exhorter. For me, there are two things that make me feel love in relationships: Words of affirmation and quality time. I don't think that either one carries any more weight, but I feel like I usually go without the first in the majority of my relationships (not all). So this, this makes me LOVE my new friends.

Well I think that sums it up. It always strikes me how much my friendships can influence my day, weeks, months, years... They are inspiring, and I adore them being so. And although I know that peoples' opinions don't define my worth, I cannot deny that I feel I am of more worth when I have people I love and am loved by surrounding me.

Praise God for His goodness!

Again, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." -Proverbs 13:12

I don't understand

I can't understand this... it's disheartening

I don't get why I usually like people more than they like me.
What am I doing wrong?

Suspension

Lately I'm alright
And lately I'm not scared
I've figured out
That what you do to me feels like
I'm floating on air
I don't need to know right now
All I know is I believe
In the very thing that got us here
And now I can't leave

Say anything, but say what you mean
'cause I'm caught in suspension

Now,
I'm wanting this for sure
And I'll beg for nothing more
I'll plan all day and drive all night
You'll love what's in store
I can't seem to stop this now
Even if it's not so clear
And I'll take what I can get
If you want me here (If you want me here)

Say anything, but say what you mean.
When you whisper you want this
Your eyes tell the same
We are gaining speed
I can barely breathe
'cause I'm caught in suspension

It's enough for me to get excited
It's enough for me to feel...woooooah ooooh oh oh oh

Say anything, but say what you mean
When you whisper you want this
Your eyes tell the same

We are gaining speed (suspension)
I can barely breathe (Oh, please say what you mean)
I'm caught in suspension (suspension)
I'm caught in suspension
Say (say) anything (suspension)
But say what you mean (Oh, please say what you mean)
I'm caught in suspension (suspension)
I'm caught in suspension
We are gaining speed (suspension)
I can barely breathe (Oh, I can hardly breathe)
I'm caught in suspension (caught in suspension)
I'm caught in suspension

Say (say) anything (suspension)
But say what you mean (Oh, I can barely breathe)
I'm caught in suspension

Entrant

Joy: captivate, radiate.
Put me on heart, my feet are light.

My crippled heart rises, and bounds to life.
I can dance!
Have you seen my smile?
Hibernation ended?!
Has this winter passed?
Did numbness fade?

Can you know, how much you overflow? ...because I do.

When it comes, so comes change. My heart and my mind reeling, under the unfathomable greatness of a Savior!


"Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." -Proverbs 13:12

This man writes my heart.

Okay, someone please tell me how a stranger can put my heart into words before I can even think it. I feel compelled to search this out, but when must I let go? He knows. Somehow, his thoughts, and his heart, felt this, and now it resonates deep within me. Rarely do I find someone so like-minded, and I want to know everything. But please, please release my thoughts, so that I may function normally again. This isn't normal. This is irrational. --so, what's next? I've tried to let go... but unless I stop listening, or hearing, I fear that I will never fully do so.

Somedays the rain comes pouring and the color fades
The music once so loud slips away
And I'm left standing all alone

It's already getting better (You will never leave me)

Rain came pouring, and hasn't stopped. The color faded from my life, and sometimes I feel trapped by lifelessness. The musics, the singing, the voices, slipped away, long ago, and I haven't hear them since. And I'm left standing all alone.

So, what now? Trust. It will be better. You will never leave me. There is loneliness, but there is a promise that You are with me. When my world shatters, You stay perfectly held together. When my heart shattered, You began putting it back together.

In my hands I hold tears, doubt, pain, and desire. In Your hands, You hold perfect love.
Tears stand no change, unless they be tears of joy. Doubt of perfect love can only hold ground for a time, but is ultimately no match. Hurts will heal, with a washing of the pain. Desire will cease, as perfect love knows the perfect fulfillment.

It's already getting better

External Fix-it Remedies

These weeds keep poppin up
I thought I’d killed them all last week
Cause I dowsed them with this poison
Whose label read extra strength
But sure enough they’re still there
Just as sure as they’d been before
Strangling all the flowers
I'd created this garden for

But I've tried all the external fix-it remedies
And I've exhausted every ounce of my own strength
But until I dig down deep enough to find the root
All I'm doin is, all I'm doin is yankin out the leaves

You say your sin keeps poppin up
You thought you’d killed it all last week
Because you told yourself you'd stop it all
And you prayed that you'd be released
But sure enough it's still there
Just as sure as it’d been before
Distracting you from righteousness
And rotting out your solid core

Cause you've tried all the external fix-it remedies
And you've exhausted every ounce of your own strength
But until you dig down deep enough to find the root
All you're doin is, all you're doin is yankin out the leaves

My garden was once my favorite part about this town
Its beauty overshadowed all others in this place
You see, I hired a man to care for it and keep it that way
He was the best gardener around

But soon my old pride got to thinkin'
About doin' this job on my own
I fired the man that perfectly kept it
And that’s when the weeds started a grow’n

Cause I've tried all the external fix-it remedies
And I've exhausted every ounce of my own strength
But until I dig down deep enough to find the root
All I'm doin is, yankin out the leaves