I found a poem. I don't know... tell me what you think I guess.

Were we free to move
in a frictionless plane,
neither you nor I would stop

gliding,

But in moving, breathing,
easing, we forget that there is
movement,
origin,
destination;

forget
the touch of elastic
flesh on rubber
flesh, the taste of
amber fluid on the
swollen tongue;
forget that the heart
skips, the lung
gasps are

temporary;

and forget
the moving waters that say,
Sweetest urge and sweetest will
to go lower, lower still.

We forget,
we doubt,
we disdain.

Sometimes I'm haunted by things I've felt.

So I just reread a letter I wrote last year--you know, one of those that you write to a person and never send? Well, there was one part of it that was just shocking to me. I couldn't believe the clarity with which I wrote these words, and how they are still so meaningful to me right now. I wrote this:

"I guess what I mean to say that is… I am trying. I want to forgive you so badly. I want to never be affected by your choices and your life, but that’s admittedly impossible. But this is a start. But first you have to know. I am broken. I am still trying to sort through the arrows that have been shot through me, and see which ones bare your mark. Most of them do."

The strange thing is that I know how that feels, and I meant every word of what I wrote, but at the same time... things are different now. Yes, I still feel the pain sometimes of the betrayal, but I'm learning to live beyond my past.

I guess what I am trying to say is.... God is healing me.

I don't think I could have ever imagined this healing.

"So yes, you’ve fully done your job of making me feel worthless. I cry every time I think about it, and curl as tight as I can because the idea of having a gaping hole in my heart forcing me to hold myself together feels more than accurate."

It's a sad reality, but its okay. I have come to terms with the fact that I am broken, and that's okay. I don't have to keep it together for anyone. No matter how right my answers are, no matter how impressive I can make myself, its not what makes me worthwhile.

God is wonderful. Don't let anyone make you believe otherwise.